Self-Care is the Secret Sauce: How Self-Care Helped Me Thrive in the Busiest Season of My Life
SELF-CARE IS THE SECRET SAUCE…
OK, let me start by saying “WE DID IT, JOE!” As of December 16, 2022, I am a proud graduate of the Pepperdine Graduate School of Education & Psychology. I officially have a master’s degree in clinical psychology with an emphasis on marriage and family therapy. *insert praise shout*
If you’ve been to graduate school (and even if you haven’t), you know it is HARD work. Now, imagine navigating the “normal” difficulties of grad school, during a global pandemic, while working full-time, investing in a burgeoning romantic relationship, and building a business, while 2,500 miles away from family and everything that’s familiar to you. When I applied to my master’s program in December 2019, I had no idea what was in store for me. I hadn’t started dating my partner, my business idea was a seed waiting to be watered, Covid-19 hadn’t infiltrated every corner of the world, and life, as I knew it, hadn’t been turned on its head.
Fast forward 735 days; I just graduated with a 4.0 GPA and a perfect academic record, I have fully transitioned my career from finance to mental health & wellness, my business has wings and my beautiful partnership continues to amaze me every day. Over this same time frame, I also managed to get certified as a yoga teacher, travel agent, and Trauma of Money facilitator. Most importantly, I am happy, healthy, and more aligned than ever. I know that I am called to do the work that I am doing. I am living a life that I created on my terms. I am deeply in love with myself and my journey. I am immensely proud of myself and I am deeply connected with my body and spirit. I am able to pour into others because I am filled to the tippy top. And when I feel my well getting low, I know exactly how to respond to honor my body and boundaries. I am fully present, I see the beauty in the smallest things, and I feel so much gratitude for the way my life has unfolded. I am able to work through hard things with grace and patience. I can experience difficult emotions and allow them to flow through me. I recognize challenging days for what they are and fully appreciate days of ease and flow.
In short, I am a testament to the power of self-care. I believe in the mission of my business now more than ever. Everything that I teach in my coaching and consulting programs, I have incorporated into my life. I believe that self-care enabled me to not only survive but thrive over the last 2.5 years. To be clear, my life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, but I have become the woman that I aspired to be. Thriving does not solely entail achieving external goals, but it’s pretty cool when you have tangible results of your hard work alongside internal growth.
The Choice That Changed The Game
During busy seasons we are usually inclined to scale back on self-care to dedicate time to other responsibilities. That’s assuming self-care was ever a priority to begin with. We are told that if we want success, we have to grind, hustle, sleep less, and do more to achieve our goals. We believe that we have to essentially sacrifice ourselves in order to attain the things in life that matter.
*Record scratch* Huh?! You mean I need to make myself sick just to get stuff that I won’t even be able to enjoy because I’m sick and tired???…ummm…THAT’LL BE A “NO” FOR ME DAWG!
And that’s exactly what I decided when I embarked on this journey. I knew that I had a choice. I could either subscribe to the “grad school is going to suck” path or take the “grad school is going to be enriching and fulfilling” path. I had already experienced what grind culture was like during my time in NYC and I didn’t like the person I was becoming. This time around, I was going to choose ME.
My motto going into grad school was “grades don’t matter” because I wanted to focus on learning instead of striving to pass exams. I wanted to enjoy the experience of being back in school after an 8-year gap. I desired to enjoy the process and the journey.
Side note: Let me tell you, this was NOT my story in college. Sure, I was community-oriented and wanted to do socially impactful work, but there was an internal struggle that I have only gained insight into in retrospect. I was laser-focused on building my resume and achieving accolades. I learned early on that making straight As was the key to keeping everyone happy and receiving the positive praise I desired, so being smart became a major part of my identity. There are worse things that I could have focused on, but the point is that I didn’t really learn. I wasn’t curious, I didn’t explore, I didn’t experiment, I just wanted to know the information needed to pass the exam that would get me closer to my end goal. Ironically, achieving the “end goal”, without enjoying the journey is pretty trash and you will never be satisfied living that way. That’s just not what LIVING is about. On the contrary, leaning into self-care in my late twenties helped me discover my true loves in life and that’s what led me here.
The Process
So by now you may be asking “HOW did self-care do all of THAT?” Ok so let me break it down into 3 sections and then I will elaborate further.
As a result of self-care, I realized the following health outcomes (physical, emotional, and mental health):
Health outcomes
Prevented illness (covid, flu, colds, etc)
Reduced intake of ibuprofen (for headaches and cramps) from 2-3/month to 1x in the last 1.5 years (not 1x month, one time in 1.5 years!)
Maintained healthy blood pressure, cholesterol, etc
Maintained healthy weight, fitness, and mobility level
Established and sustained my healthiest adult romantic relationship
Improved emotional regulation to slow the escalation of anger & handle conflict in a productive way
Strengthened interpersonal relationships and held space for others
Overcame FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
Made significant progress along my healing journey:
Nurtured childhood wounds
Challenged perfectionism and people-pleasing habits
Stopped overthinking and focusing on catastrophic thoughts
Learned to trust again
Dramatically reduced/eliminated hyper-vigilance
Found my voice
Challenged imposter syndrome and released fear associated with being visible
Self-care Practices
Prayed and intentionally aligned with God’s plan
Implemented boundaries with self and others
Saved money so I could quit my full-time finance job
Set bed-time and averaged 8+ hrs of sleep each night
Established routines and systems: morning and evening routines, systems to support daily movement, mindful eating, household chores, and work projects
Dedicated certain days to specific chores (i.e. grocery shopping & cleaning on Tues. evenings, laundry on Fridays bi-weekly, etc)
Incorporated daily gratitude practice with affirmations
Used dynamic to-do list for structure and flow
Used food delivery services and prepared meal kits; cooked 3x week and ate homecooked food 4-5 days out of the week; established no-cooking weekend rule
Practiced mindfulness and meditation
Utilized breathwork practices to self-regulate
Built rest into my schedule; established Saturday as un-touchable rest day
Journaled regularly
Became plant mom to more plants
Spent time in nature; beach, parks, walks around neighborhood
Explored new coffee shops and worked from there
Basic hygiene - wore masks, washed hands, avoided big crowds
Maintained medical care - got annual physicals, vaccinations, etc
Traveled locally and took 2 international trips
Established therapy/wellness community - joined mentor program
Joined business coaching community and sought help in entrepreneurial endeavors
Invested in myself through training and reading to perfect my craft
Allowed myself to feel and express my emotions; cried a lot and laughed a lot
Took days off before I “needed” them
Made time for fun (book club for leisure, hikes with friends, date nights with my partner)
Took social media breaks
Allowed others to show up and support me
Explored new creative outlets - coloring book, pottery class, paint & sip
Explored new podcasts and audiobooks during commute
Watched my favorite tv shows to wind-down most evenings after class
Carved out time to work on my business and cultivate creativity
Used aromatherapy (essential oils, candles incense, sage, etc)
Used art therapy, color therapy, and music therapy
Created a space that is safe, comfortable, and aesthetically pleasing
Finally started putting my gifts out into the world (blog, social media, etc)
Allowed myself to dream and take risks
Trade-offs
Left cushy job
Lived off savings for longer than I anticipated
Stopped partying and clubbing
Reduced drinking from every weekend (pre-pandemic) to 3x/year (2022)
Pivoted focus from travel agent business to avoid spreading myself too thin
Decreased travel significantly to save money and stay healthy
Said “no” to a lot of invitations and events that weren’t in alignment with my intentions
I’m sure I’m missing things, but the truth is, self-care is embedded into every area of my life. It is intentional, but it has also become second-nature. As you review the list, it is important that you don’t view it as a “to do” list or checklist of everything you need to do to be well. I cant stress this enough. The point is not to do more to fill your life, but to design your life in a way that enriches your life and supports your well-being across all dimensions (physical, emotional, mental, environmental, professional, etc). Every dimension of wellness is interconnected and impacts you, as a whole. I personally have such a robust self-care lifestyle because I NEED it. I am a highly sensitive person who absorbs energy easily. I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. I feel things very deeply and in the past did not handle stress very well. I used to live in a constant state of tension that led to stress headaches and muscle soreness. These practices are not to be cute, but to make sure I don’t internalize stress and allow it to manifest as illness.
Prior to the pandemic, I had a somewhat passive self-care lifestyle where I did things but it wasn’t as intentional. I had the basics covered. Once the pandemic hit in March 2020, I realized I needed to take a more active role in maintaining my sanity. Yoga played a huge part in that, which is what led me to pursue a yoga teacher certification. Once I started graduate school, I initially took 4 classes, while working full-time, and quickly learned that was not sustainable. This then prompted me to take a step back and get even more intentional about my practices. Because we were discussing heavy topics and in the beginning, before I had clients of my own, I was doing deep emotional work alongside the lessons learned in class, and that also required a shift in my level of care.
The take-away here is that my current lifestyle was built over time as I adapted and responded to my needs. It did not happen overnight nor did it happen without intention. You may not need to do ALLL of this, but I hope that you see that you do have time for self-care, you don’t need a lot of money, and you don’t need to be chilling in the maldives to practice self-care. You don’t have to wait until your vacation comes around. You don’t have to wait for others give you permission. You really CAN do things that support your well-being every single day. And if you need help figuring out how to do that and what to do, I’m here to help you along the way.
Lastly, it’s important for me to keep it real, there will be trade-offs and practicing self-care, like any form of healing practice, does not ensure an “easier” life. Sometimes self-care gets messy and may require an uncomfortable level of vulnerability. However, it does ensure a more fulfilling life. You get to be in the drivers’ seat, designing the life you want for yourself (yes, even if you’re seasoned, even if you have kids, and/or a partner).
The only caveat I will make to designing the life of your dreams - alignment is key. I like to say me and God make a good team. When I allow him to guide me and do my part, miracles happen. Spiritual wellness is very important because I believe that if I’m not doing what God called me to do (or said in another way), if I’m not doing what I’m uniquely positioned to do, based on my interests, experiences, and desires, then I’m living someone else’s life. I don’t believe we have one fixed path, but I do believe there are some things that we absolutely should not be doing. When you are not connected to your soul and your soul is not connected to how you spend your time on this earth, I’m not sure that sustained peace is attainable. I don’t say that to discourage anyone from exploring different paths, but we usually know exactly what we’re “supposed” to do. It’s instinctual. We feel a nudge or we continuously receive signs, but we ignore them out of fear or disobedience. The longer we run away and venture farther from that “thing”, the more unhappy we tend to feel.
All of this to say, your health and wellness is the most important thing in the world. It affects every other aspect of your life. Once you’re ready for different results, try to increase self-care when life gets hectic, and let me know how it goes.