Black Women Deserve
I’m not sure if it’s mercury retrograde, the lunar eclipse, or Mother’s day on the horizon but I’ve been thinking a lot about appreciating and celebrating Black women. Self-care is a necessary part of the equation, but I also want to acknowledge the reality that we are community-oriented beings, and therefore the quality of our relationships matter. The way others treat us impacts us and our well-being. In order for Black women to be well, we also need the community around us to rally in support and celebration of us.
In the media, from Beyonce to Michelle Obama, we’ve seen the most influential, talented, brilliant Black women held to higher standards, receive harsher criticism, and even snubbed for awards that they very clearly deserved *cough cough Beyonce*. These women perform at the highest level as entertainers and leaders, while also being mothers, wives, and serial entrepreneurs. When you strip away all of their titles and accolades, they are still Black women trying to do their best in a society that wasn’t designed for them to thrive. While they’ve reached heights that afford them the luxury of ignoring the haters, I mention those women because we’ve all witnessed the public commentary and hateful remarks. As a Black woman, gaining insight into other’s true feelings about these beloved women, one can’t help but wonder: does the bias and vitriol that pops out on social media inform their view of all of us?
Hop on any popular social media site and you’ll see behaviors that support the belief that Black women are less deserving of good things and if we expect nice things, we are labeled as high maintenance, materialistic, gold diggers. Many are only comfortable with our success as long as we remain within their realm of acceptability, where their comfort remains in tact and their perceived superiority is unrivaled.
While this isn’t limited to Mother’s Day, it is relevant to the holiday. It has been my experience that Black womanhood is often synonymous with the archetype of a “mother” - nurturing, caring, loving, protective, compassionate, and patient. Throughout time, Black women & girls, have played a role in nurturing, supporting, and caring for children (and men) in families and communities. All Black women aren’t mothers and all Black mothers may not fit this archetype, however, all Black mothers were Black women first. Even if we lack “maternal qualities”, culture and society have imposed this ideal on all of us, so there is a shared experience that many Black women can relate to. This is not to overgeneralize, paint Black women as a monolith or minimize the sacrifice and investment of mothers who have endured childbirth, but to acknowledge an aspect of Black womanhood that bonds many of us together. Because we are often viewed as the mothers of society, we experience being taken for granted, overworked, and held to higher (unrealistic) standards, more than being loved, adored, and appreciated. Black women deserve so much more and I think it’s time we set the record straight.
Black women deserve to be nurtured and cared for simply for being. Special occasions and accolades are not prerequisites for Black women to receive tender love & care.
Black women deserve grace & compassion when they aren't perfect. Black women are allowed to have flaws and make mistakes, without being held to a higher standard.
Black women deserve help and support, even when they can carry the load themselves. Black women may make it look easy, but contrary to popular belief, Black women aren't super human and #BlackGirlMagic doesnt negate the need for help.
Black women deserve to be told they are beautiful, even if they appear confident and receive compliments from others. Black women don't need to be humbled nor do we need others to withhold love and affection to keep us "in line".
Black women deserve to be thanked and appreciated for all that they do. Whether the effort is acknowledged or minimized, know that the hidden cost is oftentimes her own well-being and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Black women deserve to be seen, heard and understood. To be seen as their true, full selves, not just the role(s) they fill. To be heard and believed, the first time. To be listened to and understood based on their experiences, not others' interpretation of those experiences.
Black women deserve extravagant gifts, love, money, & awards. Black women don't need others determining or limiting how much goodness they are allowed to receive based on what others think is enough.
Black women deserve space to unravel, turn "off", and rest. Black women are neither robots nor machines. Black women dont have to keep it together, have all the answers, or be "on" 24/7.
Black women deserve the WORLD. In families, workplaces, and communities at large, when Black women win, everybody wins. When Black women thrive, entire ecosystems thrive. Make sure the Black women in your life receive the love, care & celebration they deserve.
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